The one due to my insomnia
So here I am back again on my laptop, with a foggy brain after a futile attempt at sleeping, maybe writing shit would make it easier for me to calm down and sleep.
Sleeping has always been a hard thing for me, due to different reasons over time though. During my childhood, I was very scared of the dark, ( I wasn’t exactly a scaredy-cat generally, playing downright gory video-games all day ), but there was something about the silent darkness that comes with the night that used to scare the shit out of me. And however embarrassing it might be to say, I used to be shit scared of ghosts during the night 🙈 I used to have a lot of hallucinations I guess during the night, seeing weird figures and stuff, which were obviously not present, and usually were the result of my overactive imagination finding patterns in the shadows. Although I did use to see things moving sometimes ( I distinctly remember a photo frame in my room which I used to find shaking all the time ), I am pretty sure that was just my brain at work again. It’s probably the reason why I don’t watch horror movies to date, and there were these shows like “Aahat” and stuff popular during those days, which played quite an important role in my phobia lol. Anyway, I used to be so scared that I couldn’t even cross the rooftop during the night, but okay, that’s enough embarrassing details for one blog.
So yeah the reason why I couldn’t sleep in childhood was me being scared of the dark, it would often want me to wish that somehow the night would just pass by and I would sometimes stay awake all night, hoping for the day to come by ( also we used to wake up at 5:30 for school those days, so well, that’s that ). Anyway as I grew a bit older, and my phobia of the dark vanished completely and instead got converted into a love of the dark and silence. I love dark rooms now and often used to roam around the college campus late at night with my friends to enjoy the calm environment of the night ( which was usually spoiled with all the couples roaming around during the night, but ah well ).
But it came with its own problems. Now it turns out that I am a bit too sensitive to the dark and silence. I can only sleep when there’s absolutely little to no light in the room and complete silence. This also makes sleeping during the day almost an impossible task for me, which used to present a lot of problems during JEE, where it would be necessary to sleep after being tired from attending coaching for the entire day, but I couldn’t really sleep and had to continue studying half tired ( I still can’t sleep during the day, and have to work half tired if I get tired during the day ). It is probably also the reason why I sleep late at night, and also the reason why I couldn't sleep today because there was way too much light in my room.
Anyway, it’s weird to think how some people can struggle so much with something as simple as sleeping, while it’s the most natural thing to do for other people. It kind of makes you realize how much we take for granted in life. I am so jealous of people who can sleep anytime anywhere. Maybe we should all be a little more aware of the subtle privileges we all enjoy, especially in this weird year, when so many people lost so many things, that pity problems ( like not being able to sleep 🙈 ) are really not that important, and we should just suck it up lol.
Also, it’s interesting to think how our relations with things change as we grow up, when I was a child, I used to hate to sleep, but now, I would not give up my sleep for anything. It’s THE best part of the day, and I can’t get enough of it ( literally ). Our priorities change so fast, that we end up spending a lot of time worrying in the present about things, that might not be at all important to us in the future, and might ignore things, that may become very important to us in the future ( like developing a healthy sleeping routine ). It’s like the fact that we always wanted to grow up quickly as a child, but now growing up is the last thing I want to happen lol.
Anyway, I think that’s enough random late-night bickering for the day, it would be 2 soon, and it’s definitely not a good choice to keep on writing until then, cause as someone said “Nothing good happens after 2 AM”. So well, I should probably give sleeping another shot, although I don’t really have high hopes for it, but well anyway, until the next one —
Stay safe!
