How brittle is your happiness?
What makes you happy? What motivates you to get out of bed every day? What do you associate your self worth to? What really matters at the end of the day?
I think these are important questions to ponder about, it saves a lot of time to introspect a bit and figure out what are you actually doing stuff for. Cause if you think about it, sometimes you are doing things for no reason at all, sometimes you do shit just for the sake of doing shit, and that gets pretty exhausting man, and eventually leads to a burnout after which you start questioning, “Why am I doing all this?”. Why not save yourself all this trouble, and focus on things that actually make you happy.
And although it’s a bit embarrassing to admit, like many people, I am guilty of attaching my self-worth/happiness to achievements. Whether it be getting straight A’s in school, or getting that awesome internship or research publication in college, it seems like I was always looking for more and more achievements to make myself happy. I don’t really even know why do I chase behind stuff like this, it’s just something I think I mindlessly used to do, it felt like the right thing to do, cause hey, isn’t it success that’s supposed to make you happy? Shouldn’t everyone try to become better and better and hustle and climb up the social ladder?
Well, I guess, you have to give one thing to the last year, however shitty it was to stay isolated in a room for so long, it did make me introspect more and figure out what things actually make me happy, and how brittle and fragile was attaching my self worth to achievements and success. I have started to realise that achievements don’t make you happy, at least not for long, they do feel a bit good for like 1–2 hrs, but then you get normal, and then you start looking for the next potential achievement to make you happy, it’s almost like an addiction really, you enjoy the “hit” that lasts for a while, and you are never satisfied and want more and more of it. It’s a vicious cycle, that knows no end, and gets worse day by day.
Man, how dumb was I to achieve my self-worth to my school grades, when they are so random and subject to the whims of people and not reflective of anything really. It doesn't take much for fate to roll a twisted set of events, leading you to get a fail grade, and then what, would you go into depression and shit? Does your self worth decrease since you failed a subject and you let down people, really? Is that all is to your being as a human? What about the fact that you are a kind person, what about all the times when you helped people or made people smile, doesn’t that count as something to be proud of? Why do we associate value with the wrong things and make life miserable for us? Don’t you feel infinitely happier when you complete that personal project, which you do for yourself, for your own curiosity and not for validation from anyone else. Don’t you feel happier when you have a meaningful conversation with a friend after a long time? Don’t you feel happier when you slowly let life pass by, and just live?
I can’t express how good it feels when you shift your self worth from flimsy achievements to the thing that actually matters, YOU! You start making decisions, not for the end achievement, not for pleasing anyone else, but after considering how the process would make you feel. You allow yourself to relax, and work on side-hustles ( like this blog ) that give meaning to your life, and even though this might lead you to a less “successful” life, in whatever terms society defines it, but you sure as hell end up living a more happy life.
Anyway, it’s not as if I have everything figured out yet, I still find myself chasing after the wrong things ( and the wrong people ), but I do think that things are getting a bit better, and maybe this is a part of “growing up” and finding yourself and all that catchy words lol. I guess this is it for the post, and if anyone still reads my posts ( I heavily doubt it ), feel free to ping me if you would like to talk, cause I know for sure, that I would LOVE to!
Until then, Stay Safe!
